Kiev Ukraine Round Two Day Three: Still Waiting

Mary is posting today.

There is not a lot to post about today. We are still waiting for our paperwork to be turned in tomorrow. We were able to go to church here in Kiev. As always it was nice to meet with other church members. It is so awesome that our church is the same everywhere in the world, except of course for the language! Today the speakers spoke in Russian and Ukrainian. I am getting better at reading in Russian and was able to read the words enough to sing a few words in the hymns. I have spent some of the vast amount of free time we have had lately to practice learning Russian. I feel like a preschooler sounding everything out, but I am getting there. I still have no idea what most of the words I am reading mean though. The rest of the day we spent hanging out in our hotel room playing games, reading, and checking social media. We also had a great Skype session with our boys back home. I was able to Skype with one of my best friends and my sister too! I miss all of my family and friends! I have to say I miss America and I am looking forward to all of the modern conveniences and a routine again. I know it will take awhile to get a new routine down with adopted kiddos, but I am looking forward to it. Hopefully tomorrow we will have good news about a second SDA appointment.

Kiev Ukraine Round Two Day Two: Waiting

James is at the keyboard for today's post.

One of the challenging aspects of this whole process has been timing. Although we tried to return to Kiev as fast as possible, we will still have to wait several days for another appointment. The fact that we were only able to complete our request for another appointment on Friday means that we will have to wait through the weekend before there is any further movement in the process. It is well known what happens to the passage of time when one is forced to wait... Hopefully we can get another appointment by the middle of next week.

After the roller coaster and emotion of the past couple of weeks, today just felt odd. For one, I was able to finally shrug off all of the concern that has kept me awake through the night and get some solid sleep. It felt good. This morning we realized that we had no children to visit, documents to process, or places to go. So the day was filled with reading, writing, and walking. We took a long walk through central Kiev and enjoyed watching families at a park and students gathering at Shevchenko University for the start of class on Monday.

We also enjoyed a nice dinner at the restaurant "Prego" on Shevchenko Boulevard. Mary enjoyed Hawaiian pizza while listening to Mexican and Christmas music in an Italian restaurant in downtown Kiev, Ukraine. I just got strange looks from the waitress for ordering mashed potatoes with my lasagna. I guess some strange mixtures are just more acceptable than others. Or maybe I am still just too tall...

In all, today was a nice day to recharge. Hopefully, we will not have too many recharge days before we can get the process moving again.

Kiev Ukraine Round Two: Day One

Mary is posting today.

We arrived in Kiev today early this morning. The train ride wasn't too bad for me. I slept most of the way, but James has not had more than two hours of sleep at a time since Saturday night. Hopefully he will get some much needed rest tonight. I've tried to keep him up all day so that he will sleep all night tonight. We took a taxi to our hotel and got settled and then met up with our facilitator here in Kiev. She took us to a notary where we signed an official document that terminated our adoption plan of K and B and allows us to request another appointment with the SDA to look at new files of children. Unfortunately we finished this on a Friday so we will have to wait until Monday to turn it in. Our facilitator told us she will hand deliver it to try to get an appointment sooner. We will not know when the next appointment will be until next week. We didn't have anything else scheduled to do so the rest of the afternoon and evening James and I spent doing some research for our adoption. We used some of our contacts to try to get a head start of possible children's files to look through at our next SDA appointment. Hopefully the second time around will go a lot better. We ended the day with Skyping our family back home in Virginia. Being able to Skype with our kids has been amazing! We really miss our boys and we are so thankful for the awesome help we are receiving at home!

Nikolaev Ukraine Day Sixteen: Saying Goodbye to K and B

James is at the keyboard for today's post. We had some time on the train to write out more details of our experience on 28 August 2014.

When we first met K and B, Mary and I asked if it was OK to post their names and pictures on our blog. We were told that it was fine. However, with the sensitivity of the process, we decided to use initials and not post pictures until things were finalized. Well, today things were finalized. Sadly, not in the way we had hoped. Today we said goodbye to Katarina (K) and Bogdan (B).

Katarina and Bogdan on the day that we met.

We have also not mentioned that the relative trying to undermine the adoption was their grandmother. Their grandmother signed away her rights to the children and placed them in the orphanage after their mother died so that she could live with a man that did not want them around. Five years later Katarina and Bogdan are still sitting in the orphanage although we know that the grandmother and at least three other blood relatives could easily afford to take them into their families. They simply choose not to and prefer to leave the children in the orphanage/boarding school and let the state pay for them. The stories of what this woman did and said to these children to convince them to reject the adoption that they had accepted is long and horrific. All I will say about their grandmother is that she is the most selfish person that I have ever met and that I am sorely tempted to use words that I should not to describe her. However, I will refrain.

This morning we received a call from our facilitator Natasha that we would have a meeting at the orphanage/boarding school at 1PM to hear the final decision of the children. So, we had several more hours to wait. We tried to occupy ourselves with games and reading but it is extremely hard to distract yourself from thoughts and feelings that won’t let you sleep at night. It was a long morning but we did receive some news that truly brightened our day. Some friends that we met out here had their court day yesterday and officially completed their adoption of two wonderful children. We are so happy for them as they have been here for so long working towards this day.

At last the time arrived for our meeting. We arrived at the boarding school about fifteen minutes early. Katarina and Bogdan had not yet arrived so we sat on some benches outside to wait. I decided to read. This year I have a goal to read the Old Testament so I pulled out the tablet and opened to where I had left off reading yesterday in Psalms. For the next ten minutes, I read Psalms 123-127. Several of the verses touched me deeply in that moment. Psalm 123:3, Psalm 124:8, Psalm 126:3, and Psalm 127:3-5. I just finished reading “children are an heritage of the Lord” when the District social workers arrived for the meeting. Many times in my life, the scriptures have brought peace in times of greatest need. The Lord was again mindful of my need.

Katarina and Bogdan arrived with their grandmother a few minutes after the social workers. We were allowed to visit with Katarina and Bogdan alone without their grandmother. It was the first time since Sunday that we had that opportunity. We shared with them some of the concerns that our sons had about their situation, explained to them our feelings, and said that we would respect whatever decision they made. We told them that we love them and that none of this was their fault. Then our time was up. We were asked to leave the room while the social workers met with the children alone to hear their final decision. A few minutes later, Katarina and Bogdan came out with their refusals. They gave Mary brief hugs and we parted. We are very sad that they will remain in the orphanage and that they were convinced by their grandmother that she would come for them. They have already waited five years. Sadly, it will probably be many more. However, we understand that every child has a strong desire to be loved by those that should love them, so it is easy to believe the lie over and over again. We love these children and pray for the best for them. Perhaps, they will have another chance with time and see a little more clearly after this process.

And so, with heavy hearts, we say farewell to Katarina and Bogdan and gather our faith to move forward and find children that would like to be a part of our family. We are on a train tonight to return to Kiev and request another appointment to view children available for international adoption.

Nikolaev Ukraine Day 15: Our Plan to Move Forward

Mary is posting today.

James and I were able to talk yesterday and today to try to decide what we should do from here. We made a decision to try to meet with K and B one more time today to say goodbye before they gave their formal decision in front of the orphanage/boarding school Director and the Regional Inspector (Child Services) tomorrow. This meeting will be held at their school without their relative present. There is a slim chance that they might change their mind, but I doubt it. If they continue to say no we will most likely take the formal rejection for adoption with us on a train back to Kiev tomorrow evening, where it will be notarized, and we will apply for our second appointment with the SDA. Hopefully that appointment will occur next week.

We notified our facilitator of our plan this morning and she tried to set up the meeting with the kids. Unfortunately, the children were out in the country with their relative and a visit did not happen today. James was able to contact K by phone, but K and B's relative was on the line with her and it didn't go too well. We'll just have to say our good byes tomorrow at the formal meeting. We still love these kids and wish them the very best in their situation. It is still really hard to think about what their future might hold. We do not blame the kids in anyway, and we hate that they were put in such a terrible position.

James and I decided to go out to our favorite restaurant,"Stargorod", here in Nikolaev tonight. It was great to get out of our apartment and spend some time together in a beautiful place. We had sat down for about 10 minutes or so when the hostess guided some of our friends we met here, who are also adopting, to our table. It was great to see them! Neither James nor I or our friends knew that the other couple would be at the restaurant that night! We asked them to join us and we had a nice time together. One of the best things about being in Nikolaev, besides meeting K and B, is the wonderful friends we have made! It was great to just relax and enjoy good company.

View about two steps away from our table.

 

 

 

The name on the sign is pronounced "Stargorod". Can you see why I am having trouble with Russian? (Actually I am getting pretty good at reading Russian, I just don't know what anything means...)

 

 

I'm thankful for all of the sweet comments and messages from friends and family. I am also thankful for all those who have fasted and prayed for us. I have felt peace this whole time even through the sadness. I know we are supposed to learn from this experience and I still feel that coming to Nikolaev was part of the plan. A few blessings that I have been able to come up with are: 1. that we got to meet K and B. 2. I am capable of loving someone else's child as my own. 3. the many friends and children we have met here. I know that I will recognize more blessings from this as time goes on, but I am thankful that I have something positive to take from this experience.

Nikolaev Ukraine Day 14: Broken Hearts

Today was a rough day. We were able to get the documents we needed from the orphanage/boarding school. We were elated! Just after we got the documents signed the relative brought K and B to the boarding school to see the Director. We were still there and had a chance to visit with K and B. Unfortunately their relative was able to convince them not to be adopted yesterday when we were prevented from visiting K and B or talking with them. K and B told us that they cannot come with us. The selfish motives of the relative are still clear - K and B will still be staying in the orphanage/ boarding school. This is the first time in all the times we have met with them that they have told us that they did not want to go with us. Every day for the last two weeks they have told us that they want to be part of our family. We are very saddened by what they told us today.

We have a lot to process. We are taking a day or two to do that so that we can decide where to go from here on our adoption journey. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

Nikolaev Ukraine Day Thirteen: Missing K and B

James is at the keyboard for today's update.

So, we had our first day not visiting with K and B since we first met them. Their relative picked them up last night and we were told that they will be with the relative for the next few days and unavailable for us to visit with them. Yesterday, we left a phone with K and B so that we could talk with them while they were visiting with the relative. It seems that did not work. We have tried to call and text them throughout the day but nothing gets through. We have also tried to call and text the relative but no response. So, we are a little concerned and disappointed but hoping that we can get through soon.

This afternoon, we had our daily opportunity to visit with our children back home over Skype. We try to stay upbeat but honest with them. At the end of the call, J2, our oldest son, said he had a question. He started asking about K and B visiting with the relative and quickly guessed our concerns. J2's perceptiveness came as a surprise but also a comfort that he is thinking about this as much as we are. We are truly blessed with great children both here and at home.

As we were unable to visit or talk with K and B, we spent the day reading, writing, and talking between attempts to make contact. It was hard not to dwell on our concerns for K and B. This evening some of our friends out here invited us to dinner and we enjoyed a great evening at a Chinese restaurant. They were so kind to reach out to us today! Chinese is comfort food for Mary, so it was a good experience all around. We are so very grateful for the support of many friends here and all of our family and friends back home.

Since we had been in the apartment all day before leaving for dinner, Mary and I decided to walk to the restaurant. We looked up directions on Google and then set off through Nikolaev. About 45 minutes later, after several wrong turns and requests for assistance from kind locals, we found the restaurant. It was quite the adventure through some of the back streets of Nikolaev. Walking the streets of Nikolaev brought back memories for me of my mission. It was a good experience and we are grateful for the patience of friends when we get the crazy idea to walk instead of paying $2 for a taxi.

Tomorrow we visit again with the Director of the boarding school/orphanage. We are praying that we can make arrangements to visit with K and B again. We also pray that we will receive the needed documents to move forward in this process.