In my last post I wrote about the autobiography I had to write before my next appointment with the social worker for my Home study. I was able to complete that and turn it in to my social worker a few days before my personal interview. I had a really hard time answering some of the questions for the autobiography. I have a complex childhood and I was exposed to violence, alcohol, drugs, forms of abandonment, poverty, divorce, and mental illnesses in my home growing up. It was not all bad of course, but a lot of painful memories were surfaced. It was a very challenging way to grow up, but I feel it has made me a strong and a compassionate person. I was very nervous to talk to a stranger about these issues. I try very hard not to dwell on what I have been through, but more on how overcoming some of those difficult situations has shaped my view on the world. I was amazed at how daunting preparing for this appointment was for me. I was afraid that my childhood and how I was raised would reflect negatively on my prospects for being able to adopt. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to communicate what I had learned from these experiences successfully. I arrived at my appointment on time, alone of course, and waited for my social worker to call me back. She stopped by to check on me about 5 minutes after my appointment time and said she needed a few more minutes to get ready. 15 minutes later she called me back. I have to say, waiting alone for 20 minutes did not help my nerves at all! I won't go into details, but 2 hours later I walked out of the office feeling a lot better. Yes, she went over a lot of challenging questions with me, but she also explained to me why she was asking each question and what my response told her about me. She was honest and told me that sometimes some of the issues that my future adopted children will go through will trigger hard memories for me. I might have to take a step back and gather my thoughts before I can help them through difficult memories, but I have a unique advantage. I have been through similar experiences and I made it out okay. I can be an example to my kids on how to not let difficult circumstances hold them back. I might not have gone through the same exact things as my future kids have, but I have experienced similar feelings that they will go through. I was so happy when my social worker told me that my complex background and how I dealt, and do deal with it now will help my home study process. My husband has his personal interview next week and then our last appointment will be in our home with our three boys. We are still working on a lot of paperwork, but I can safely say we are halfway through with the Home study!